i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm like, not good at living.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
