I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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