im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
