if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
