Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
