Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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