shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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