dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
