if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
