chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
