Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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