Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
