I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
