yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
