i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
