The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
