I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
