theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
