my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
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