Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
