This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
