she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
