Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
4 words: hood of his car
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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