You're completely useless in the revolution.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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