I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
