I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
