I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
