the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Randomize
