i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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