dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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