and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
