hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
