I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
