Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
