by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
