And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
