I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
