Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
