I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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