Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I have tasted many bathrooms
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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