Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
