That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
