My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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