wat bout pragnant strippers??
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
