u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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