the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
