I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Dick very happy bro
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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