at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
