you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
