my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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