The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize