whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I want to have your abortion
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
