Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
