Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
