I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Someone came in the potted fern
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
