It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
