Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
