idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
