shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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