he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
