I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
