It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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