Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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