I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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