Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
