Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
