He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
