If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
A bitchslap is in order.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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