Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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