My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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