So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
