i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
