You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
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She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
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Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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