And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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